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Balancing the Rod
Professional experts’ opposition to spanking children
It is clear that the tradition of spanking children has fallen into disrepute in the eyes of our culture - especially among child care “experts” and psychologists, who consider spanking a form of child abuse. The American Academy of Pediatrics states, “Spanking may relieve a parent’s frustration for the moment and extinguish the undesirable behavior for a brief time. But it is the least effective way to discipline. It is harmful emotionally to both parent and child. Not only can it result in physical harm, but it teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to discipline or express anger. While stopping the behavior temporarily, it does not teach alternative behavior. It also interferes with the development of trust, a sense of security, and effective communication. (Spanking often becomes the method of communication.) It also may cause emotional pain and resentment.” To ensure there be no misunderstanding of its views, the top of the page containing the previous statement reads, “The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly opposes striking a child.”
According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, “Corporal punishment signals to the child that a way to settle interpersonal conflicts is to use physical force and inflict pain. Such children may in turn resort to such behavior themselves. They may also fail to develop trusting, secure relationships with adults and fail to evolve the necessary skills to settle disputes or wield authority in less violent ways. Supervising adults who will fully humiliate children and punish by force and pain are often causing more harm than they prevent.”
A similar point of view is expressed by the National Association of Social Workers. This organization has written, “It is becoming increasingly clear that physical punishment of children in any setting is not an effective way to encourage desirable behavior; to enhance children’s ability to learn expected skills, abilities, and attitudes that are necessary for effective interaction with others; or to develop self-esteem and a sense of morality.”
Recently, I picked up three books from the public library on the topic of child discipline. The first book described spanking as “risky” and stated we now have more “loving” and “humane” ways to discipline. It also said, “We now know too much about how to raise children in healthy ways to return to methods of the past,” and that our society is now changing to one “in which parents use kinder, more thoughtful, and more psychologically appropriate methods of discipline.” The second book echoed the same philosophy, saying that “nonviolent” ways of discipline are “higher forms of discipline” and that this “reflects our evolution as thinking human beings.” The third book discussed spanking as a recognized type of discipline, but as a concession and not as a recommendation. It stated that spanking has “marginal value” but it is risky and more likely to be harmful than beneficial. What harmful risks do these “experts” say are inherent to spanking? Well, how about these: parental guilt, parental loss of control, damaged relationships, physical injury, psychological damage (including anger and low self-esteem), and violent behavior on the part of the child.
These risks are taken so seriously that nine European nations have made spanking illegal. These countries include: Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Austria, Cyprus, Croatia, Latvia, and Italy. In the United States, “At least 22 states, including Maryland, and the District of Columbia prohibit corporal punishment of foster children, and specialists say that most states have some restrictions. Child-care experts contend that spanking children who may already have been neglected or abused has the potential to do substantial damage.” (Washington Post, 3 Sep. 2000) In the schools, too, corporal punishment is being outlawed. The National Education Association writes, “Many child advocates, however, view corporal punishment of students as a form of child abuse, even when corporal punishment has otherwise been legal. In addition to actions by many individual school districts, 23 states have outlawed corporal punishment in schools, most in the last few years. … NEA’s current (1992) resolution on discipline states: ‘The Association also believes that corporal punishment should not be used as a means of disciplining students.’” Of course, we are all aware of the true stories of people who have been tried as child abusers simply because they have spanked their children. Social workers have entered private homes without search warrants and terrorized families - to the point of strip-searching children in search of bruises.
It is truly impressive, if you are impressed by worldly credentials, how all the most respected professional organizations representing those considered most knowledgeable about children (pediatricians, child psychiatrists, social workers, and educators) have concluded that spanking is unnecessary, risky, and usually harmful.
The arguments for corporal punishment
How could I support spanking a child in the face of such overwhelming expert opinion against it? I could argue from personal experience that my parents spanked me and I turned out normal. (OK, that isn’t such a strong argument.) I could argue that almost everyone I know has been spanked and wouldn’t say it harmed them. I could argue that the great majority of parents in our country still spank their children. Recently, I read somewhere that 81% of parents still spank their children. (Majority rules, right?) I could argue that there are experts out there who disagree with the findings of their professional organizations. And I could also argue that the experts cannot prove from the evidence that a modest amount of spanking harms children at all. In fact, if you go back two or three generations (when spanking a child wasn’t controversial) you may find that people in general were more polite, more honest, and more responsible.
However, none of my arguments and none of their arguments matter in the least because God, the creator of every child, has left us sufficient testimony through his Word for me to say with confidence that spanking is recommended and offers tremendous benefits. In fact, the Bible’s warnings about the dangers of withholding corporal punishment from a child should “put the fear of God,” so to speak, into anyone who doubts whether spanking is necessary.
In the Scriptures it is written, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Prov. 13:24) “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15) “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (Prov. 23:13-14) And, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” (Prov. 29:15)
Judging the experts
Given the clear Biblical statement on the matter, why do you suppose the professional organizations for pediatricians, child psychiatrists, social workers, and teachers all oppose corporal punishment? I can only think of two potential explanations. Either the pediatricians, child psychiatrists, social workers, and teachers who make up these organizations don’t know the Scriptures that deal with this issue and have come up with their own ideas, or they do know the Scriptures that deal with this issue and have come up with their own ideas. The first scenario says the so- called experts are foolish because they are ignorant; the second says the so-called experts are foolish because they are wicked.
And it seems much more likely that they are wicked because nearly everyone in our culture knows that the saying, “If you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child,” is derived from the teachings of Scripture. Anyone who makes it his business to pose as an expert on raising children and knowingly advises great numbers of people to contradict the clear teachings of God’s Word is a wicked fool.
Contrary, then, to our learned experts, we should make corporal punishment a normal part of child discipline. And discipline - not anger - should be the reason we strike our own child. Notice that three of the four verses we quoted in support of corporal punishment for children also mentioned discipline. The purpose of discipline is to drive the folly bound in the heart of a child far from him (Prov. 22:15), to save his soul from death (Prov. 23:13-14), and to impart wisdom (Prov. 29:15).
Of course, the motivation for corporal discipline is love. It is hard for us to inflict pain on the child we love, but it is far better than allowing Satan to destroy him. This is the same way God deals with his children. It is written, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son … God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Heb. 12:5b-6, 10b-11)
Questions about “the rod”:
When should I spank my child? The Scriptures do not tell us exactly when we are to use “the rod.” We know from the Scriptures we have already mentioned that the rod is supposed to rid a child of folly and save his soul from death. It seems clear to me that a child who breaks a plate by accident is not committing folly or endangering his eternal soul. The rod, then, was not meant to punish children for honest mistakes or lack of competency, which are prevalent in children due to their physical limitations and lack of experience. The rod is reserved for correcting behavior that if left unchecked would threaten the child’s soul.
What kind of behavior would that be? Certainly, disobedience of God’s commands would endanger the child’s soul. God said, “Not one of the men who saw my glory and the miraculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the desert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times - not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.” (Num. 14:22-23) This theme is repeated in the New Testament in the book of Hebrews, which says, “And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed?” (Heb. 3:18)
What has God commanded that a child could disobey? We need look no further than the Ten Commandments, where God said, “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.” “Honor your father and your mother.” “You shall not murder.” “You shall not steal.” “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.”
This is the reason we spank our children for lying, stealing, hitting, and for disobeying or disrespecting their parents.
Is there an age limit to corporal punishment? There is no age limitation mentioned in the Scriptures. In fact, corporal punishment was allowed under the Law of Moses even for adults. God’s Word says, “And it shall be, if the wicked man be worthy to be beaten, that the judge shall cause him to lie down, and to be beaten before his face, according to his fault, by a certain number. Forty stripes he may give him, and not exceed: lest, if he should exceed, and beat him above these with many stripes, then thy brother should seem vile unto thee.” (Deut. 25:2-3) Of course, the death penalty is the ultimate corporal punishment and it was much more common under the Law than it is in our culture. However, if the parent spanks the child properly when he is young, he probably won’t need to be spanked when he is older. Regarding babies: we don’t normally spank a child before he is a year old, but two-year-olds get the most spankings from us. I don’t have a Bible verse to support an age at which spankings should begin, but we think the child should clearly understand the rules before he is punished for breaking them.
How hard should I spank? The purpose of spanking is to inflict enough pain on the child to effect a change in behavior. It is common for many parents (and especially mothers) to spank too gently. They do not spank hard enough to inflict any meaningful pain on the child and this may have little affect on the rebellious child. In this case, the severity of the spanking must be increased. On the other hand, there are people who spank too severely. I don’t think a spanking should be a risk to the child’s physical well being, but the Social Services standard that there can never be visible signs of a spanking is too strict. It isn’t difficult to find a good balance between excessive gentleness and excessive severity. What should I use to spank my child? The Scriptures do not specify the size, weight, or material of the rod. The important principle is that pain is inflicted on the child to correct disobedient behavior. I don’t think it makes a lot of difference what is used to spank a child, so long as it doesn’t harm or deface the child. We have always used our hands for a couple of reasons. First, my hands are always conveniently with me and second, my hands are more sensitive to how much force I am using. I disagree with those who find psychological reasons for not using your hands. I don’t think children are confused as to the source of the pain -whether it is a belt, a rod, or a parent’s hand.
Conclusion:
It doesn’t matter that educated child-care experts oppose corporal punishment. No matter how many years of school they have attended and no matter how many children they have seen in their professional lives, they oppose the clear teachings of Scripture and shouldn’t be heeded. The Scriptures are clear. “He who spares the rod, hates his son.” We must also remember that the motivation for corporal punishment is love. We care enough for the child’s eternal destiny that we attempt to drive rebelliousness out of the child before it becomes an intractable part of his character. And when we experience hardship or pain, we must remember that God inflicts pain on us for our welfare as well. “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” (Heb. 12:5b-6)
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