Is there grace in the Christian Counterculture?

By James McDermott

We in the Christian counterculture – those who advocate homeschooling, full quivers, and courtship – can be a tough group. We need to be tough to stand against the increasingly blasphemous and immoral culture. We need to be tough to pull ourselves away from a culture that wants our children neutralized in secular public schools, and our families neutralized in worldly, watered down, feministic churches. Toughness can be a very good thing.

But toughness used improperly can be a very bad thing. We in the Christian counterculture can be judgmental, harsh, and legalistic – Pharisee-like – in our dealings with those who don’t measure up to our standards.

I will divide the world outside us into four kinds of people: hypocrites (people who call themselves Christians but who live contrary to their profession), heathen (unbelievers who live like unbelievers), sincere Christians who disagree with us on the issues, and sincere Christians who agree with us on the issues but who are struggling in some way (divorce, marital problems, financial woes, working wives, lost children, etc.).

Let’s look at these groups one at a time and I’ll tell you how I believe they should be viewed. Maybe you will be surprised.

Hypocrites

This is one group of people the Christian counterculture is not being too judgmental towards. When anyone who calls himself a believer is guilty of unrepentant gross sin, our zeal for the Lord’s kingdom should compel us to criticize him bluntly. Jesus called the religious hypocrites “blind fools,” “snakes,” “brood of vipers,” and “full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.” (Mat. 23) Paul told the church, “Expel the wicked man from among you,” and, “hand the man over to Satan.” (1 Cor. 5) Christ said to the unrepentant “Jezebel” in the church at Thyatira, “I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead.” (Rev. 2:22-23a) We can be judgmental and harsh, then, with religious hypocrites who claim to be brothers or sisters in Christ.

Heathen

Jesus was known and criticized for associating with prostitutes, tax collectors, and “sinners.” Paul said, “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. … What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.” (1 Cor. 5:9-12a) The point is this: we don’t need to be sitting around discussing and gossiping about the character flaws of unbelievers who are acting like unbelievers. Indeed, we can even associate with such people. We need to love these people and look for opportunities to share the good news with them – not separate ourselves completely from them only to tear them down in our private discussions.

Christians who don’t agree with us on the issues

Most of did not grow up believing in homeschooling, courtship, and large families. Even after we were saved, most of us embraced these issues one at a time on a journey that took us years. We need to give our Christian brothers and sisters some time as God gave us time. Paul wrote, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” (Rom. 14:4)

Though I do believe we need to start new churches that more closely resemble the biblical model and though I do believe in getting our children out of the schools and youth groups, I also believe we should be gracious with Christians who have not yet reached what we consider a Scriptural understanding on the issues that make us the Christian counterculture. We will have opportunities to explain to them why we do things differently. But we are all being slowly molded into the image of Christ and I believe that given enough time (sadly, more time than we have on this earth) we would all come to the same Biblical understanding on all these issues.

Christians who agree with us but who are struggling

There are many people who believe in homeschooling, who are willing to accept joyfully all the children God will give them, who know how dangerous dating as practiced has been, and who love the Lord dearly who feel condemned because everything hasn’t fallen into place for them for some reason. Maybe their marriage didn’t work out, or their children are rebellious, or maybe they came to the knowledge of these truths after most or all of their child rearing was done and they are already on a second or third marriage. After being raised poorly, after attending public school for 10 years, and after having dated for 2 years, it may be impossible to get a 16-year-old to be anything but horrified at the prospect of homeschooling and courtship. Maybe they made poor financial decisions and are being forced into bankruptcy by their creditors. Maybe because of past irresponsibility or misfortune a man cannot presently make enough money to fully support his family. Maybe mom is working outside the home as a result.

This issue is dear to me and personal because we ourselves have struggled financially and Cindy continues to work full time. There should be no doubt that we share the values of the Christian counterculture (strongly Christian, expecting child number 12, homeschooled all children old enough through high school, have married off our first child by courtship, 6 teenagers and none of our children have dated), but we stand condemned in the eyes of some because Cindy works. Believe me, if I could live my life over again I would have made changes that would have increased my ability to earn more money for my family.

But we can’t change our lives and do it over again. And not every person who struggles is suffering for past sins (remember the book of Job?). For those who agree with our views and are struggling there should be compassion and help instead of condemnation. Granted, sometimes we need to be admonished, but a little admonishment goes a long way. Some of us need encouragement and some of us need tangible help. So often we suffer alone and it seems we could drown in our problems and the body of Christ wouldn’t be there to help. That is why we need to find a close knit community of likeminded believers to fellowship with. But the issue here is that people who are looking at the world the same as we do and are trying their best to live according to Biblical principles shouldn’t be judged harshly because the end result of their lives don’t fit our ideal.

Conclusion:

We should reserve our righteous judgment for people who claim the name of Christ but who live sinful and unrepentant lives. Everyone else – including unbelievers who act like unbelievers – should be treated with a heavy dose of grace. I am especially sympathetic for those who sincerely love our Lord and have tried to live His principles but who seem to have faltered – whether by acts of God, of Satan, or of their own sin and weakness – and feel condemned by the community who ought to be comforting and helping them. If we are blessed of the Lord, let us humbly thank Him for His blessings, but may we never look upon our brothers and sisters who are having a hard time of it with anything less than compassion.