When I was first married I believed children to be blessings. Sixteen years and ten children later, I still feel no other way. When people learn of the number of children I have, they often ask if I am Catholic or Mormon. (I'm neither.) The decision, to let God determine the size of our family, was certainly a religious one, but not one connected with any church group. When we first got married, Jim and I began to consider the issues of children and birth control. We wondered what God thought and what the Bible had to say. Scripture states that children are blessings (see Psalms 127, 128). First off, I don't think I should really argue with God, about this or anything else! If God says they are blessings, then they are. Secondly, why would I want to turn down God's blessings? Most people probably think that money is a blessing, but I've never heard anyone say, "God, I know that money is a blessing, but please stop sending it!" I'm going to accept whatever blessings God wants to give me. Birth control is really an effort to turn down or limit God's blessings.

I'm not about to say that there is never a good reason to use birth control (although I think such an instance would be rare), but I do believe that people should be honest with themselves about why they want to use it. Could birth control be a form of selfishness? Do couples want to limit the amount of money or time they invest in children so they can keep more for themselves? Could it be a form of mistrust? Do couples believe they will not have enough resources or energy or wisdom to raise (more) children? Do couples believe that they must provide these things, instead of relying on God for them? God did promise we would have all we need, and He does love our children more than even we possibly can.

Finally, we are here to be servants for God. He has a plan for our lives, for the way He wants us to serve Him. If that means no children or a dozen, so be it. "I am the Lord's servant…may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38) My purpose here, though, really isn't to go into a theological discussion about these things. I simply want to share my perspective, one born of conviction and seasoned with time. The decision we made regarding children has given a type of unity to me and my husband. Together we face the challenges of raising the children God has given us, not that we chose to have. Together we enjoy the blessing that they are. Together we evaluate and confirm our decision in the midst of criticism from people and from the society around us. There is no disagreement between us because one wants another child but the other doesn't. There are no times of indecision or uncertainty because we don't know whether we should have more children or not. That decision is safely in God's hands, the best place of all. And together we have the excitement of wondering what God's will is and when our next child (if God so deems) will come.

Allowing God to determine the size of our family has given us a freedom we didn't realize when we first made that decision over sixteen years ago. This decision has also required us to yield our plans for our lives to God. Accepting the children God wanted to give us has required a great investment of time and resources. Our emphasis on family and raising our children has affected the types of careers chosen and the amount of time we put into them, and the status we achieve. It has affected what we do with our money and our time. It has affected the possessions we acquire. When others our age are retiring, we will probably still be raising and releasing our children. But that's ok. I'm not here to please myself. If I must work until the day I die, that's fine, because I will have an eternity to have fun!

Of course, there are other factors besides children which affect our lives, but the impact of ten children is great. Being the mother of ten children has taught me many lessons - about myself, about childrearing, about God. I've had to frequently evaluate my priorities and values. I've had to sort through all the messages that this society throws at me about what is important and decide for myself what is truly important and worthwhile in God's eyes. Additionally, I've learned that you really need fewer things to raise children than what you think you do. All this "stuff" that our society says we need for childrearing is nice, but not really needful. Most important of all, I've learned that sometimes I must be different than those around me, not for the sake of being different, but for the sake of being true to my conscience and to the word of God. There are no regrets. Allowing God to determine the size of our family has also given me many joys and blessings, more than I expected.

I enjoy my children and watching them grow. It is fun having them around. They also fill my days with a higher purpose than just myself. And I suspect that I won't have much of a space between children and grandchildren. I feel that if I had limited myself to just one or two children, I would have also limited the joys that I now, and will, experience. Of course, having many children has made my heart vulnerable. Like any mother, I have concern over my children's physical and spiritual needs (multiplied by 10!). I do not know what lies ahead. I may suffer hurt or fear or heartbreak over my children. Is there injury or illness ahead for them? Will they devote their lives to God? But I am just called to be a faithful servant to God. God will take care of us.

Being willing to have many children for God has made me vulnerable in another way - vulnerable to the tactless remarks of others. I have been told (by acquaintances, family, and often strangers) that I am selfish (I still haven't figured that one out), wasting the earth's resources, wasting my own potential, or crazy. People have told me to my face that I have too many children. Others have told me that I should stop having them. One woman told me she feels sorry for me. Sometimes people even have the boldness to tell me these things in front of my children. It is difficult to be on the receiving end of such comments. I have often felt misunderstood or needlessly mistreated. Comments like those used to upset me, even to the point of making me want to cry. But that usually doesn't happen anymore, because going through this has made me stronger. When you are faced with opposition to what you are doing, I figure you have one of three options. You can look at those around you and consider what you believe and what they believe, and say, "They're right and I'm wrong, so I'm going to change what I'm doing." The second option is to say, "I'm right, but I can't stand being different, so I'll just do what everybody else is doing." The third option is to decide, "I know I'm doing the right thing, and so I will be faithful and continue the course, regardless of what people will do or say to me." I still don't always know the best thing to say to these people, but my conviction is as strong - actually stronger - than ever.

Being willing to have many children for God has also made me vulnerable to be the recipient of the encouragement of others. I hear not only the tactless remarks of people, but also the sweet encouragements of people I meet. (It seems I hear more encouraging things now with ten children than I did with five or six. Back then it was mostly negative. I'm not sure if that has to do with the number of kids, or the times we're now in, or God's providence.) The kind and heartening words, both from Christians and nonChristians, have been like salve on a wound. They have warmed and encouraged my heart. I remember when we were newly married and had just made that decision. We met an older couple at our college who were not using birth control. They had three children at the time. They felt that even without birth control, no one would end up with a dozen children. In the years since, their family has grown by one and ours by ten. The thought makes me chuckle. Anyhow, I believe very strongly that God can limit or expand our families by the way He sees fit. Nothing, either way, is guaranteed. I'm also acutely aware that at anytime God may say we have enough, and our last child will certainly be our last. When that day comes, I will feel a sense of sadness. What will I do without little ones around? But I trust that God will gently lead me into the next season of my life, and there I will also find blessings. I've had people tell me that I have courage, having all of these children. But I don't look at it like that. I'm not courageous, just obedient. "He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40:11)