Working Wives
By James McDermott

The issue of women working outside the home is one that elicits emotional responses from liberal feminists to conservative Bible believing women and just about everyone in between. Women often pour out their hearts on Christian radio programs agonizing over their decision to work or their decision not to work. While I suppose hearing other women struggling with the issue may be encouraging and educational, the heart of the issue is often missed. Many churches and radio ministries rarely, if ever, discuss the core Biblical principles involved in the woman's decision to work outside the home (too divisive, too judgmental), but they are more than willing to help the woman succeed in the decision she makes - no matter what that decision is and why it was made.

This week there will be help for professional women and next week for housewives. This month there's a program on helping our daughters adjust to college life; the month after there'll be one on women leaving their careers to be at home. This approach is backward. What good does it do to discuss how to make the best of a course of action before discussing which course of action is best? If I don't know whether I should work outside the home, why would I want advice on how to successfully juggle a job and a family? The heart of the matter is discerning God's purpose for women. The agnostic feminist and the Christian woman would not agree on their purpose in life, so they will not agree on what they should do with their time.

A woman must understand her purpose to understand her role, and she must understand her role to determine what her priorities are, and she must understand what her priorities are before she can decide where she should labor. And the only way a woman can know God's purpose for her life is by understanding what the Scriptures say about it. Too many Christian women don't know, don't understand, or don't agree with what the Scriptures say about women. In other words, women are getting a lot of emotional support but not enough truth. Ironically, when a woman settles on the unemotional truth of her Biblical purpose and role, the emotional difficulties are greatly diminished. Much of the anguish women feel about this issue is guilt. What, then, do the Scriptures say on this issue? Regarding God's purpose for women, we read in Genesis 2, "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" (Gen 2:18) We see two purposes for women in this verse. Woman was created to provide companionship and help for the man. This is abhorrent to our feminist culture, but even Paul writes, "For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." (1 Cor. 11:8-9) We also read in Genesis 2, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24) This shows us that the companionship and help the woman was to give the man was in the context of the marriage relationship - a relationship of unity with one man that included physical intimacy.

Thus, Paul commands the married Corinthians not to deprive each other. He writes, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other …" (1 Cor. 7:3-5a) Certainly, the physical union of man and wife fosters companionship and unity, but God had an additional purpose in mind. Malachi writes, "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring." (Mal. 2:15a) In Genesis 1:28 God says to Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and increase in number." God told the same to Noah and his sons. (Gen. 9:1) Therefore, children are considered a blessing and having many children an honor and reward. The Psalmist writes, "Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward form him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Ps. 127: 3-5a) It is also written, "Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD." (Ps. 128:1-4) Therefore, it is God's purpose that women be willing vessels for bearing children. If a woman, through the use of birth control, overrides her ability to have children, or, even worse, kills the baby God creates in her womb, she denies her husband part of his godly heritage, his reward, and his blessing. (Ps. 127-128)

God equipped only women's bodies to bear and nurse children, yet many women resent the limitations this places on them for work and ministry outside the home. Others consider childbearing too painful to suffer again or just too expensive. Women, as well as men, need to realize that we are not put on this earth to pursue our own agendas or to avoid pain. Jesus, too, had a purpose that required that he undergo pain infinitely more severe than childbirth. Yet, he set the example for the rest of us when He prayed to the heavenly Father, "not as I will, but as you will." To summarize, then, the woman's purpose is to provide companionship so the man won't be alone, to help him in his work, to unite with him in body, and to bear him children. This determines her role. Since she is to help her husband and since she was made for him, it is not surprising that he would have headship and she would be in submission. Paul writes, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24) Peter adds, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master." (1 Pet. 3:1-6)

The woman is not the head of the family, nor does she reign as family co-regent - sharing headship with her husband. No, the woman's role is to accept her husband's leadership and submit to him. Let me say before moving on, since this is a sensitive issue, that I don't equate submission with inferiority. The woman is equal to the man in her humanity but is nevertheless subject to him. The woman's position of submission to an equal is similar to Jesus' submission to the Father. Paul writes, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant." (Phil. 2: 5-7a) Paul summarizes the issue this way: "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (1 Cor. 11:3)

Now that we understand a woman's purpose and her role, what does the Bible say her priorities should be? Consider these verses: "No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." (1 Tim. 5:9-10) "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander… If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them." (1 Tim. 5:14, 16a) "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." (Tit. 2: 3-5) From this we see that a Christian woman should cultivate high standards of character, but we also see more clearly how she should live.

Her good deeds should include bringing up children, being busy at home, managing her home, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble, and taking care of widows. Certainly, these Scriptures do not prohibit women from working outside the home, but we can see that this list of good deeds is more easily accomplished as a housewife than as a high-powered attorney, a TV anchor, a traveling salesman, or even a full-time grocery clerk. It should be evident to all that bringing up children, being busy at home, managing a home, and taking care of widows is more difficult for a woman who spends most of her time and energy working outside the home.

Let us now consider the "wife of noble character" in Proverbs 31. We read, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." (Prov. 31:10-31)

Here we have a seemingly superhuman example of womanhood. We can see that the "wife of noble character" was fulfilling her Biblical purpose. She helped her husband. She brought "him good, not harm, all the days of her life." She bore her husband children. In fact, they "arise and call her blessed." She was busy at home. She got up while it was still dark and did not "eat the bread of idleness. " Her lamp didn't go out at night. She took managing her home seriously, for she watched "over the affairs of her household." She also helped those in trouble, for she opened "her arms to the poor." Did "the wife of noble character" work outside the home? If what you mean is whether she held a paying job working away from home for someone else, the answer is no. If what you mean is whether she did any work outside the home, the answer is probably yes. One would think that considering a field and buying it would require her to leave her own property. She may also have left home to select wool and flax, deal with the clothing and sash merchants, and buy food for her family. Did the "wife of noble character" make do on her husband's income? No. She sold clothing and sashes to the merchants and she planted a vineyard from her earnings. The Bible says her trading was profitable. She made important financial decisions such as the purchase of property.

She even had servant girls to help her with the work. The "wife of noble character" was commended for her contributions to the family economy and would probably have represented a two-income family. (I say probably only because we have to assume the husband also had an income.) It is probably true, however, that home was the place most of her work occurred. And this portion of Scripture emphasizes how all of her work benefited her household or revealed her godly character. We don't see her trying to secure world peace or ridding the world of injustice. We don't see her running the country or taking her seat at the city gate among the elders of the land. Instead, she is focused on the welfare of her household. Therefore, her family is prepared for winter hardship and she can "laugh at the days to come." And her faithful service does not go unnoticed, for her children and her husband praise her. Where does this leave us in our discussion about working wives? First, some Christians are too dogmatic on this issue and others are inconsistent in their positions. We have no Scripture that prohibits a woman from working outside the home. Some who oppose a mother working for pay at the grocery store because it takes her away from her family will support a woman with a home based business - such as selling make-up - that requires her to keep appointments and attend functions away from home.

And even those who oppose a two income family - an unsupportable position if we accept Proverbs 31 as a model - will allow their wives to do non-income producing work outside the home. Grocery shopping, running errands, helping at church, and other activities will take the housewife without a job away from her family. Almost every woman - like the "wife of noble character" - does some work outside her home. The question then, should not be whether the woman can do work outside the home or whether she can make money. She can. The question the woman should be asking is whether the work she does outside her home is the best way for her to fulfill her God-given purpose. It is difficult to provide companionship to her husband, to help him in his work, to become united in body and spirit, to bear and raise children, and to manage a home when she spends most of her time at her place of employment. On the other hand, developing an income that demands she spend some time away from home may give her family the resources to prepare for the future or perhaps merely to subsist in the present. It would seem ridiculous for a family to miss meals or lose its home because the woman wouldn't spend a few hours a week away from home.

Part of raising children and managing a household is seeing that basic needs are met, and, if the Proverbs 31 woman is an example for us, the woman can help her husband by producing income. Under ideal conditions it is probably best if the woman does not work for another outside the home if she has children at home. The man who makes more than enough to meet the financial needs of his family is a blessing indeed, for he makes it easier for his wife to do the work God intended women to do. Even so, the Proverbs 31 woman, whose husband was a respected leader in the community, still blessed her family by producing income. Being in a good situation, then, does not preclude the woman from blessing her family by making money. However, many women do not enjoy ideal conditions. Some women are widowed, some have been divorced, some have husbands who have become physically incapacitated, some have husbands that work hard but do not earn an income sufficient to provide for the family's basic needs, and some are suffering the ongoing consequences of poor financial decisions made in the past. In cases like these, her family's survival may require the woman to work outside the home.

What we see in our culture, however, are women who work outside the home to escape their responsibilities at home. We see women abandoning their children in order to maintain a needlessly expensive lifestyle. And we also see women falling in love with their careers to the detriment of their families. The answer is not a prohibition against working mothers that goes beyond what is written in Scripture. Rather, women should be striving to fulfill their God-given purpose, which will certainly keep them from straying to frequently or too long from home. A Personal Postscript So as not to be open to the charge of hypocrisy, I will explain how this issue has played out in our family. As many of you know, Cindy has been working full-time as a registered nurse for a number of years. This is true despite the fact that we have 11 children and homeschool. Believe me, Cindy would like nothing better than to quit her job and dedicate herself full-time to her children, her husband, and managing our home.

Why have I failed (so far) to bring Cindy home? First, as a prodigal son I squandered my best chance to develop an income adequate to support a large family. So when I married at age 24 I was a full-time grill cook with one year to go for a degree in theology. (As Mottle said in Fiddler on the Roof, "Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!") Second, unforeseen events changed my plans after we were married. I was studying theology with hopes of becoming a church pastor or missionary. After completing the theology degree I decided I didn't belong in the denomination whose school I had just graduated from. This led me to pursue missionary work through Wycliffe Bible translators, but medical problems with my first three children led Wycliffe to discourage me from missionary service. Third, I made poor financial decisions such as buying a house and two new cars on credit in 1990-91. Fourth, God blessed us with many children which increased our financial needs.

Eventually, it got to the point that Cindy's income was over twice my income and through normal career choices, I could never hope to get Cindy out of her job. Thus, I pursued home-based businesses because they had at least some chance of creating an income that would get Cindy home. The point I am trying to make is that I have been working for many years to bring Cindy home. I believe what I have written about women working outside the home. I appreciate Cindy's full-time income, but the children and I would appreciate Cindy's full-time presence much more - and as long as God gives me strength I will continue to pray, plan and work to free Cindy. It discourages me sometimes that God seems slow in granting me the desire of my heart. From my point of view, it is humiliating to have my wife have to work so hard outside the home when she has so much more than most to do inside the home. And Cindy has been such an incredible blessing to me (many women have done noble things but she surpasses them all!) that it pains me not to be able to give her the desire of her heart.

So I have become compassionate towards families who want to bring the wives home but haven't found a way. I think some one-income families unintentionally look down on us. I have also become painfully aware that sin - even forgiven sin - may continue to have future consequences. The time I squandered as a young man made it more difficult to provide for my family. This struggle has also revealed a weakness in my own character. I have needlessly caused myself pangs of anguish and resentment towards imaginary others who judge me or perceive me as weak for struggling financially and having a wife that works. And finally, I have become more aware of how God works through our struggles to mold our character. I can honestly look back on the last 13 years and say that God has used this issue to teach us patience and to make us all better than what we otherwise would have been. Still, God is able to "restore the years the locusts have eaten." (Joel 2:25) He has the ability to get Cindy out of her job today. There is no scarcity of resources in God and God is good and merciful. Cindy, with God's help, this will be your year. -Jim

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